1:37 am
my aunt was telling me shes changed. she told me she stopped drinking. i dont believe her. but the small percentage that shes right, im scared. i dont know what to expect. im kindof scared of change. even if its good change. what would happen if she really did? would everything go back to 2005? would she move back home? will she sit and cry and apologize and admit her wrongs and beg that somehow someway i can forgive her and we can move on.
i dont believe my aunt. not yet. shes not going to get any better until he is out of our lives. but when that…if that…eventaully happens, ive never really thought about it. as bad as it sounds wehen she said that tonight i jsut thought like i dotn want her to stop drinking. i dont want her to come home. ik its selfish and wrong but im finally learning to be okay i dont need things changing again.
honestly if she did come and beg for forgiveness and proven to me shes changed and quit drinking and left that ass and moved somewhere where he cant find her, jim told robbie and i today that if she were to ask to be taken back, to come home, hed move her anywhere she wanted. start a new life. away from the snickers and glares and gossip of neighbors and coworkers and friends. he said hed move her to florida or california or montana or mexico or paris or australia and she can quit her job and just do whatever she wants for the rest of her life just sit on a beach for eternity or become a farmer or become a painter, shes a fabulous painter. anyway if she took him up on that offer, if they moved somewhere and she got help and really seriously changed, id forgive her. id take her back. id put it behind me like nothing happened and make tea and ask her if she wanted anything i was going to the store. thered be no use in discussing it. no use in crying about it or asking questions. just put it behind us and turn a new page.
is it kindof pathetic how badly we want her back?
familys a werid concept. love is a weird concept. unconditional love.
