11:34 pm
kay so agenda for tonights mega rant: tonight. yesterday. tomorrow.
went out for dinner wtih my aunt tonight. well we were at her hotel, my brother rob and i, for an hour and then went to dinner and back to her hotel whole thing took 3 hours. now, i dont like my aunt. lol ill be blunt. we really have absolutely no relationship, never did. ive seen her maybe 10 times in my life. never sends us bday gifts. calls me maybe once or twice a year, usually on the holidays. shes a very hm. she has a very strong personality. [im trying to be nice, for now]. shes always looks down at pretty much anything we do and is like some avid health freak whose the type to like “oh, you’re guna eat that? dont u think ___ would be a better option?” [where i think no bitch im ging to shove my facfe with cheesy fries and coldstone lol] so anyway she was in town for some meeting and rob wanted to meet wiht her with the intent of discussing my mom and trying to get her help and blahblahblah. except she doesnt want to hear it she would always interupt him and be like “robert. i dont want to hear it. robert. i dnt want to be a part of this. robert. drop the subject” but we ended up talking about it at her hotel for like an hour and again randomly at dinner and then when i was waiting in the car to elave they were talking for a good 10 minutes [about stuff idk about and they dont want me to know about. although i have a pretty good idea of what it was] the whole time at the hotel i just like sat there in between the two of them on a couch starring at the floor playing with my dog tags and was like tearing the entire time and on the verge of bawling and it was awful and i wanted to like “theres no place like home theres no place like home theres no place like home” and vanish to my house or dorm or devins or the beach or jons or any place except that couch. this woman is like idek. i dont get it she keeps saying she tried theres nothing she can do, well like woman this is your sister, try the fuck again. you dont want to hear it? you want to pretend its not happening? you dont want to become involved with this? this is your sister. forget shes my mother. shes your best friend. shes your blood. shes your family. step the fuck up. she also yelled at me, not yelled but uk raised her vice and told me how rude it was to email my grandmother what i emailed her, which wasnt that bad. but yes ik shes sick but uk wht she should know my feelings whatever. she told me my mom is coming down next weekend, she bought me a gift she wants to haave dinner with me. my aunt thinks i can be the thing to like help fix her. she said she was hysterical crying on the phone with my aunt saying how she was scared what if i rejected her shes not even sure shed want to ask because shes os scared id say no. and like your fucking right id say no. where the fuck were u wanting to have dinner with me when i was home. she said she ranted about how much she loevd me and cared for me but like, i can count on my hands how many times uve told me u loved me in the past 3 years. why the fuck should i go to dinner with you. you want a relationship with your daughter? bringing your boyfriend to court in front of her sister is not the way. avoiding her sister is not the way. leaving her and her family is not the way. hanging up on her is not the way. ignoring her pleas and tears and angry questions is not the way. but i’ll say this now and ill stick to it. if you ask me, if u muster up the courage and put urself out there to be rejected, i wont reject you. i will go. becasue honestly i probably wouldnt have the guts to ask her to dinner. i will probably spend the meal asking question after question filling up glasses with my tears and ill be angry and closedminded and hurt and scared, but if u ask, i will go. her boyfriend probably doesnt know about it he probalby wouldnt let her go. its disgusting how he controls her. like i seriously think its brainwash.
uk what i was thinking about earlier, back to the kids thing. having kids is a very selfless thing. but from a selfish aspect, if you dont have kids, how will you be remembered. most of us wont achieve greatness. we wont be in textbooks and on plaques or have our name plastered on some library. your parents will pass away hopefully before you and your siblings and friends aroudn the same timme as you. so. what happens then. after all those people are gone. after your house is auctioned off and your belongings are donated. kindof scary right? i guess maybe someone one day will find a diary or some cd you recorded or maybe something else, but you kindof just like idk vanish? at least your kids would carry on your legacy. tell your story. share your memories. kindof like some part of you lives on.
which brings me to another point [yes be prepared i not even halfway done with this total post yet]
why isnt everyone an organ doner? like okay i get there are some people who believe in the whole afterlife and the possiblity that maybe after this you go onto something and youd want to be prepared with all of you right? lol but like most of us dont. so what good are your organs going to do rotting 6 ft under until they distinigrate? wouldnt u rather help someone else and give them to someone maybe increase someone elses chances of living a longer life? kindof thinking back to 7 lbs, awful movie btw, but like if u could give someone your eyes…literally get hem taken out of u and put them in someone else and give them the gift of sight, why wouldnt u? why wouldnt u give them your heart or kidney or idk. seems like a waste to me. but then again i dont want to be burried like hair and skin lol idk just a thought. for the record im not an organ doner. but i kindof want to be for said reasons.
anyway.
YAY CONGRATULATIONS YOU MADE IT TO PART 2! [be prepared parts are going to get shorter b.c im tired and have shit to do =], your welcome haha]
so. bamboozle roadshow was last night. aka, ftsk + cabbbbbbbbb<3 [and wtk mercy and nsn]. last 3 bands im not goign to talk abut much cuz eh whatever. wtk was good. said hey to travis he looked confused when he saw me lol as did everyone [wondering why i was in florida] butttt him and hunter were such muffins they were cuties. nsn was alright, kindof killed the whole dance vibe. didnt really pay to omuch attention to mercy though which kindof sucks b.c i was meaning to see them live for a while but boys are more important obvs. so. how should i do this. i guess by music first than person. kay soooo i was rly disapointed cab didnt play vegas skies. not that i expected them to but like i was hoping. they played distrubia though tht was fun =] and then the usual others ill run bounce risky etc. oh but nsn did a beatles cover tht was cute lol hmm what else. wtk played all their normal songs pretty much their whole wtk record. ftsk did this cool tihng they like did a mashup of a bunch of songs tht was fun. then they pretty much played the rest of underdog. they put on such a good set so much fun. they pretty much well all of the 3 ive seen before sounded pretty much the same still godo though but like havent rly cahnged much but stilla g ood time. kay so now people? ftsk first why dont we? why not alphabetical lets be all organized. Austin. awggg love tht boy hes so funny lol i was barricade for ftsk [and cab. got there at like 5 but made friends with some boy in the beginning of the line and basically told him to save me a spot during ftsk ill come find him and then well hang out all night. um. yeaaaaa lol sorry. you were fun for the short time we talked lol though ider ur name lol but thanks for the spot haha =P [im horrible ik whatever]] and austin was like starring at me on stage so much and after he was like he came up to me and was like OMG<3 *HUG* WHAT ARE U DOING HERE! hes so cute and we were dancing to the house music it was fun. he made me promise id come to a bunch of their headlining shows and who am i to turn down tht boy lol kay next. caleb. awg tht firebush is so yummers didnt rly hang out wiht him much cuz he was just like attacked by girls and the one time i did find him alone he was a fucking chimney with his cigs so i yelled at him he told me he loved me and i should find him later. um lets see kent? kent. didnt see him. although hes by far the most muffiniest keyboardist in the world. i love how he like jumps and plays lol im guna try tht one day =P kyle. AH kyle<333 what can i say about kyleeeeeeeeee lol nomnomnom he gave me the biggest hug of the night [actually 2nd to singer] and he came and was dancing iwth me and austin and marissa and dani he was so adorable. i felt bad i didnt see dianas text abut having him call her until after, speaking of which i made these rly pretty @5 signs and forgot htem on bed. fail lol i was so pissed. but awg kyle is such a babymuffin i want to like pick him up and shove him in my pocket lol marc. didnt see marc. h and jonathan. he was getting swarmed so didnt bother with him. next band: cabizzleeeeee. marshall: omg. marshall<3 lol tht boy is so sweet. although he should not drink lol idkr what to say we were like talking and shit for a while. he kept trying to show me some game but i didnt know what was goign on i was just like oh lol okay your so cute keep talking lol and fuck then i asked him to call marissa5 and he was like oh alright. oh wait fuck brb lemme go run and get something and didnt come back for like a while and then was swarmed and then i lost him again and so i felt rly bad marissa didnt get to talk to him =[ johnson. hes so sweet but so quiet. i swear if u go see this band go talk to him hes such an angel. ran to some deli next door with him and cash. no real stories on him. singer. singer singer singerrrrr best hug of the night. one of those where like bear hugs and like okay stand up. dont move from ur hips down but like move ur shoulders to the ground like ur excersing bend ot the right now to the left and rly fast and pretend someone is hugging u lol tht was my singer. i tried getting him to do acoustic but we couldnt find ian so i just made him sing lol everything from whisper something fragile [<333] to hannah montana lol lovey<3. right ian. didnt really hang out with him just said hi and gave him a hug and talked to him a bit about their summer tour and stuff. cash. cash muhnneyyy. love that kid. so yeah we ran to the deli we were guna go to dennys after or taco bell or something but we opted for mid show chip run lol i swear idk wtf tht boy is doing to his body. he was such like an innocnet pure baby and now i was like twirling myself around looking at his arm its like so much. i like the goodbye las vegas though. kindof cliched but eh. yelled at him for the dollar dollar bill hand one. stupid boy lol. talked to him about johnny and harrys. seems like a cool place. he said i get free food and hookah when i go lol go me =] and yeah that was that. the show of coruse was rly good. if u havent missed the date i suggest you go. between the two of them and wtk its just like lots of fun =] im rly sad its over though =[ wish i coulda stayed longer i didnt get to say bye to anyone we had to go cuz daniella had to write a paper lmao it was her first time seeing all of them and she loved them so thats a good sign haha. oh and merch was eh. nothing spectacular. idky bands make suhc ugly stuff sometimes. some are either rly plain or rly ugly and weird. hire someone to design it for u dont come up with ideas on ur own they never come out good.
if you dont want to read all that: bamboozle road show was amazing. i love the cab and ftsk. so much fun best night in a rly long time. def one for the books =]
