3:58 am
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i completely forgot! its mine and devins 9 month anniversary of our first text! lol it seems like so much longer. like i knew him for years. but i still cant believe its been that long. im weird ik sorry =P. i cant picture him not being in my life. its so weird that a year ago i didnt know him. how didnt i what was i missing?! lol its going to be so great when we’re finally together. even if we dont end up actually being together, which would suck lol, just like hanging out with him would be one of if not the best day of my life. i was talking to my grandfather today and kay a few things about my grandfather. hes very intelligent. very jewish lol and tries to help in every way possible. hes the person who calls u up and tells u all these supposed-inspirational quotes and “hilary u know what they say when the going gets tough the tough get going” or whatever the fuck it is lol and “you’re such a bright and beautiful young woman dont let them bring u down, keep ur chin up” and whatnot lol he tries to help me with family shit although it doesnt really help i usually interupt him wiht “grandpa. grandpa!. GRANDPA. stop.” because well idk its just awkward and usually not helping and i dont like talking about stuff and whatever but he was telling me yesterday about how on passover he went to temple and how the rabbi was giving a speech and it made him think about stuff and he came to the conclusion that god is testing us. my family. with all this shit going on. he says he has big plans for my brothers and sister and i and wants to see if we can handle hurdles and stress and pain and wants to see our bravery and strength and love and overcome and whatever. now, i dont really believe in god. i believe in something, i just dont know what. when people are sick, i pray. when things are bad, i lay in bed and talk to someone and ask for help and strength and guidance. but im not really to sure about all these stories i was taught when i was younger and these people who sit on mountains and say some higher being is talking to them. i believe in signs and omens i guess but i mean no spirit is telling me a message or anyone else that will guide millions of people for hundreds of years. anyway off topic lol. the conclusion he came too kindof made sense. i kindof think it makes sense with devin too. people literally shit on all of our plans lol whenever we think something good is going to happen something always fucks it up. but like if our relationship is so strong under these circumstances, if we’re able to deal with the shit we go through and love each other through a telephone, imagine how great we’d be when we’re physically together. so maybe some higher spirit is testing us. maybe they know his rockstar plans of touring often and maybe ill be running back in forth between paris and milan and new york and they want to see if we can handle that. or then again maybe they think hell be working at east meets west for the next few years and ill be in miami at school and they want to see if we can handle that. maybe they just want to see if when i tell him i love him if its genuine and not just some hot sexfest lol maybe they have great things instore for the two of us and this is just a test. who knows. its a good thought though.
